I can be alone. I enjoy being alone. Quiet, all by myself, no one else in the room. I enjoy reading, looking at a magazine, binging on some Downton Abbey or Call the Midwife, yes I’m enthralled with the old school way of life. A place where men are gentleman, dress like it, speak like it, and woman are polite, respectable and treated honorably. It is my secret little dream land.
I’m ok with being alone. It is something I have always enjoyed. Loneliness is something else. When I am surrounded by four incredibly noisy little trolls loneliness can creep in. When I am walking down a trail in the woods with my little people in search of the hidden trolls that sit in the tree trunks and by the mushrooms, I am reminded that when these short people grow older there is a very big possibility that I will be alone without them or anyone else special in my life. When I am hanging out with other mothers, all of who have a spouse to spend the rest of their lives with, I am reminded that my life is not the same. It is a fact that I am learning to be ok with. The loneliness is not always there, but it is not a stranger to me either.
This loneliness, this fact of life is balanced out with pursuit of my purposes other than motherhood. Yes motherhood is a huge passion and love of mine. Ever since I was a child it has been my second dream next to being a wife. Now that being a wife has been stripped away from me either temporarily or permanently I must focus on mommy-ing. But mommy-ing is not going to fulfill me for the rest of my life. Pursuing what I’m passionate about, what I was created for, what my other dreams are is what will keep me going through this journey I have in front of me.
Loneliness the feeling that can creep in when I am all by myself or surrounded by hundreds of people. A feeling that can be felt by the married and unmarried, the friendless and by the popular, the quiet and the loud, the busy and the slow. A feeling that must be dealt with or it will lead you down a very steep staircase to a very lonely dark basement.
Keep your head up, focus on you and the One leading you.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”