Muddled in today’s messes. Knowing that the chaos of the things such as the house; the toys strewn about, the shoes not quite put away, the blankets from the last movie watched lying on the couch, the vacuum lying in the middle of the floor not quite done it’s job, yet not put away either. Knowing these things cause even more chaos and disorder in our lives. Especially with the newly understood concept that your eldest daughter’s many issues stem from ADD. Not just an excuse for bad behavior but the cause for not knowing the things she does are not quite proper.
The disorganization causes more distractions. The homeless vacuum, dishes, and laundry cause distraction and stress to her 7 year old mind. Knowing all this causes my momma brain to want to help and tackle entertaining the 3 and 2 year old while trying to improve quality of living so that when the 5 and 7 year old come home from school that stress is eliminated and will help improve our evening life. Yet also knowing that the behaviors in the evening are not from deliberate disobedience or rebellion and are not the cause of my lack of discipline in the child, but need to be seen as teachable moments instead.
Why? Because spanking and time-outs for things such as; ignoring mommy,forgetting to do the things she’s been told to do and speaking rudely are not done on purpose, but rather because her brain is literally designed differently. This type of discipline is redundant and the opposite of useful. My only goal now is to use the clearly not on purpose mistakes and teach her. Teach her to notice the moments, to take responsibility for the mistakes and fix them. My only goal is to teach her these things so that when she is a teenager and adult she is a respectable, honorable, independent, responsible, confident and loving individual that will change the world for Jesus regardless of the way her brain is slightly different than the average human being. That she is aware of other people’s feelings, that she is responsible, doesn’t make excuses, has morals and isn’t afraid to stand for them, that she dreams and pursues those dreams, that she is the person I know she can be…regardless of what symptoms may say about her.
This makes my parenting job a whole lot harder then my view of it a month ago. I can’t just grab a ear and bring to time out. I must take a breath, utilize patience, trust God to bring me insight, and teach her that that moment was wrong and how to better deal with it. Yes she will still be disciplined, but differently. My whole parenting perspective is different. At the end of the day when I am tired from chasing a toddler and preschooler, doing errands, cleaning, working, writing, paying bills, budgeting, preparing messages, doing church stuff, cleaning poop, pee and boogers, I have to be at my freshest. I have to have my A-game on to parent my Lu to the best of my ability, in a way that will benefit her most. At a time when my patience is running low, I have to give her my all because I am all she has.
So here I lie on the couch, demanding “quiet time” from my two littlest dragons. Taking a moment to close my eyes, to worship, soak up God’s Word to fill me, building up His amazing-ness in me and now writing what’s on my heart, taking a break from the tasks, to do lists, chores, so that I can give my all to my little girl this afternoon.
Her future is bright. Her future is amazing. She is going to grow up and do amazing thing and it brings me so much excitement to see what she does with her life. So much joy!
A new look on parenting. Rest. Priorities. Hope.