Christmas has hit the house full blown as of today!
This brings me so much excitement. The house was in decent condition which was ideal for decorating in my opinion. No working around too many crumbs or toys and the kids were entertained by Nemo. This meant I was able to take a moment and enjoy placing the Christmas balls in the mason jars and vases in the exact position I desired. It meant I could get creative in arranging our mini Christmas trees and stable. It meant I could have a little me time doing something I love.
I’m a Christmas girl. Always have been. I was the one singing Jingle Bells all year around. I was the one who started Christmas Shopping on Boxing Day. I was the one counting down the days from 364.
I’m still that one. Before Halloween I’ve got the decorations out. Summer time I already had lists made and have some things purchased. And usually we have the tree hunted and home mid November, but disappointedly this year we were a little late. At least we got one! Woo hoo!
Today after a lazy morning we bundled up and hunted at the Christmas tree farm. We (the grandparents [thank God for grandparents!], 4 kids and myself) walked and tripped, dragged the babies and carried them up and down searching for the perfect tree. Eventually we gave up and just picked one and it’s a fatty! Parker and Papa sawed that thing down like the beasts that they are. Seriously though it’s short and fat. So with my wisdom we placed it on an upside down milk crate and now it looks tall and fat. I will let you know after Christmas if it truly was a wise idea, having a Christmas tree balanced on a milk crate.
So now I sit here, with the tree decorated upstairs in the parent’s place and my place full blown in wonderful decorations that I have collected over the past two Christmas’. It makes me think, why did I not take the time to enjoy this whole decorating and collecting decorations more prior to single-ness? I enjoyed it, but I never collected my favorite items, I never had too much to indulge the whole house in Christmas aura. I mostly had Christmas tree decorations and a massive black wreath. Yes black and I loved it…still do. One of the few things I miss. I don’t miss much or even remember much, it is just stuff. Nothing that I get to keep forever and nothing that is more important than my children or my Jesus. Yeah it bothered me the first Christmas without.
December 2014 I shopped for stockings all over again, tears welled up as I remembered all the things I had lost, the stockings the kids have had since childhood, the black wreath and tree skirt, the kids first birthday memorabilia, my deceased grandpa’s Scooby Doo blanket. I cried and then I healed and know in my knower that it is just stuff.
Just because it is just stuff doesn’t mean it isn’t fun to indulge. Which leads me back to my question. Why did I skip this part in my previous life adventures? Was it because I was too focused on everyone else? Overcompensating for expenses or indulgences spent elsewhere? Too exhausted and drained from parenting and wife-ing and scrounging for money? I don’t really know and at this point it doesn’t really matter the reason. The past is the past. Learn and move forward.
What I do know is that I won’t let me disappear again. I won’t sacrifice my loves and passions and indulgences that bring me joy for someone else. Every bit of me is important, even my excessive Christmas obsession. If I don’t have moments of me, indulgences that I love and bring my joy, then I’m not going to have much to give others because I will drain and drain quick. You can only give so much to others without filling yourself up.
So this Christmas-y night I am so thankful for my Christmas decorations. I am so thankful for the three little trees that light up the room. The chubby oversized elf that sits on my kitchen shelf, my vintage sleepy mice, my bowls and jars and vases of Christmas balls. I will be thankful for the moment today to decorate as I please, for Rudolph that the kids and I enjoyed, for the tree hunt (although hunting in Arizona is much more thrilling out in the true forest), for Christmas music, for multiple wrapping paper choices and for my children’s new stockings. I will be thankful that this brings me joy and thankful for my Jesus that made it all happen.
I now have a little more to give to those that really matter because I have been filled with joy, pursued a small passion, been creative, let go of some stress and been reminded of how blessed I am to have “stuff”…all this from a little decorating.