Today is a simple day.
The snow is beautiful outside my door. The kids are all home from a no school day, no one is feeling perfect, but we are all perfectly content. We all have our comfy clothes on and I am continually learning to be ok with a mess. The living room has turned into a child’s version of a house; blankets rolled up to make walls, giant dinosaur pets, every stuffed dog turned to pets, and toy brooms, microwaves and computers are strewn about. Homemade sticker books, comfort food of sausage and Kraft Dinner, raw oatmeal…gross, but brings them happiness, lego and lots of book reading.
I’m ok with the mess. I am learning to let go of the stress it brings. My world is full of enough stress, I don’t need to lay more on me right now. As I sweep a pile of spilled stickers while on the other side of the room the ball pit balls are all dumped out. It’s ok. I will continue to breathe and even sit in it all. The headaches have not come every day this week. I also have not spazzed over the mess. I have chosen to not relieve the hate of my past untidy houses. The words that sunk in deep by those I loved. I choose to let it go. They don’t define me and I will live in this messy time of my life stress free. It does not define me.
So today as my seven year old ,that only embraces cuddles on her terms, isn’t feeling so well I in turn will embrace the lying on the floor holding her while lying on the ginormous Costco sized T-Rex. I will hold her while I still can and while the others fill their toy shopping cart with more toys that will undoubtedly find their way all around the house and not back to their home.
I will let this dry oatmeal turn into a sensory activity for the two year old because…well honestly it’s giving me a moment to write my heart on here and it’s nothing the vacuum can’t fix.
I will play the sweet Jesus music, specifically today Kari Jobe, when things get a little chaotic and in comes the sweet calm.
Allowing the stresses of life, be it huge such as a divorce or small like a messy house, isn’t worth it. It isn’t worth the headaches and exhaustion they bring, which in turns leaves me empty as a mother. My calling at this moment is to be a mother. So I will let go of everything else and do that to the best of my ability.
One day I will have it more together, but today my children and my well being are most important. Taking it back to the basics and back to the Creator. He reminds me how loved we are and that’s it’s ok if we aren’t perfect and it’s ok if we take a step backwards because that doesn’t change what awesomeness is in our forward.