Do you ever just want to wrap your arms around your little person and hold them and wish away the growing? I sure do. I always said that’s why I kept having babies. That way they can grow and learn and become older and wiser and I can enjoy it while I still have a baby to hold.
But alas, life throws curve balls. I didn’t quite make it to my desired 6 dragons, but 4 is pretty awesome. I have to admit the oldest is the still the hardest. She gets to go through all the new stages and I get to be dragged along kicking and screaming not knowing how to parent whatever new thing is coming up. Be it drama, independence, anger, jealousy, bullies, curse words, new schools and missing old friends, opinions on clothes and what’s cool or not…but mostly a lot of drama. Hello…you are still seven.
Maybe if I just had her it would have been a whole lot easier. She would have all the attention needed to get through whatever it is and maybe it would be a whole lot easier. But the craziness of all 4 dragons on the loose makes all the drama livable.
I no longer have that baby to hold after a moment of struggle, but I think I will always have one of them ready to give a cuddle. For that I am thankful!
Last night as we dealt with obedience turned to self-esteem and self-hating and emotional issues, I sat on her bed with her as she did her thing. Her thing being crying, screaming into pillows, anger, and just freaking out. I sat there listening to her say some terrible things that I never imagined a seven year old would deal with. Things I don’t remember myself dealing with as a child. Things I never actually dealt with until adulthood. I sat there and listened and tried yet failed to keep the tears in.
When she finally calmed down and asked what do you want mom? I simply replied, “I love you.”
“That’s all you have to say?! I know!” Proceeded by more dragon drama.
After another few deep breaths she asked again, “What do you want mom?”
Again I said, “I love you.”
Again she said, “I know.”
And finally it was my turn to talk.
“If you know how much I love you then all this stuff you are crying about wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t matter if you failed at something, if you aren’t good at something, if you couldn’t help, if you don’t know your purpose. (Yes my seven year old feels purpose-less – deep I know) If you truly knew how much I love you and how much God loves you then it doesn’t matter. Because all that matters is that you are loved by me and God and that can and will keep you going forever. Even if you fail a thousand times it’s no big deal because you are still loved. ”
It doesn’t matter if we fail, it doesn’t matter if people hate us, it doesn’t matter if we leave everything we know. If we know that we are loved by the King eternal we can rest in this love and know nothing else matters.
I then proceeded to explain that she may feel uncontrolled in her head and emotions. That she may feel crazy and stressed and anxious, but long ago, in a small apartment building, on momma and daddies bed a little P was born. She didn’t make a peep. The midwife lay her on my belly and her little cone head looked up at me with her big huge eyes and just looked at me in wonder and peace. She was so full of peace. She didn’t cry when born she just looked up with those huge eyes and was content. That same little baby that people would walk up to and say she’s so calm, so peaceful, is the same little girl right now lying in this bed.
That peace is still inside you. Even when the world seems crazy, when you want to say bad words, when you are stressed, angry, anxious, lonely, sad, purpose-less, remember that you are the same little peaceful girl. That same little girl that I looked at when she was first born and just new that she was something different, amazing and special and that she was going to do something crazy amazing for God. I knew that there was something special about her and that girl is the same one here. God has some amazing plan for you, you were born full of peace and that hasn’t changed one bit.
It’s ok to be quite, it’s ok to be serious, just know how to enjoy life and remember whose you are. P is mommies and God’s and even her daddies and you my friend whoever you are, are God’s. He too has a plan for your life and can fill you up with so much peace that people too walk up to you and notice your calmness.
God made some people quite and serious and He made some loud and wild. I have both. One who came out in quite and awe and one who shot out like a rocket with the midwife nearly missing and screaming. To this day they are still the same. One is refined in her clothing choices, quiet and serious and focused. The other who is refined to rainbow, cheetah print and polka dots, as loud as an elephant walking on bubble wrap, and laughs at everything. Both are perfect just they way God made them.
That God who made the universe made you, loves you and wants you to be full of His peace too. A calmness that even though the world may be falling apart around you, inside you still have a calm. That God who formed the stars in the sky has a purpose for your life and wants to walk with you through it all. We may fail, but He doesn’t. We may come and go, but He’s always there and always the same.
Go out and rock today!