April 29th, three years ago, marks a new era for my littles and I. The day we boarded the plane and flew back home to Canada I had no idea that it would be the defining moment that altered our lives forever.
It brought tremendous heartache, battles, pain, and change. Yet, a new found freedom, appreciation for so much that I had previously taken for granted, an even stronger faith, rediscovery of who I was/am, independence and the list goes on.
I will forever love the piece of my life prior to that airplane ride. I do not regret it and I won’t. Life is too precious to waist on regret and wishing you had done things differently. I choose to remember the millions of good things and leave the bad in the past. When I look back I can honestly and whole heartedly say that it was good. That I’m glad for that adventure, that I thoroughly enjoyed it and I remember the good things; the walking around Walmart with spoons on our noses just to make people smile, the three years I got to play mommy to my precious Rachy, the camping, the video games, the lego playing, the motorcycle rides, the car dancing, the youth pastoring, the friends we had, the list goes on and on.
Yes, I made mistakes and yes, mistakes were made by others that hurt me. Yes, I had to tear those bandages off and re-live that memory and cry my heart out till the memories no longer sting. I spent countless times sobbing in the shower or in the middle of the night so all those moments could truly heal, not just being hidden under a bandage. Broken, bandage covered, people lead broken lives and raise broken children. I refuse to live that way. I was created to live a whole, joy filled life. So I embraced the pain and let them heal and from there I leave those memories in the past, thinking about them does nothing productive.
Having done this, healing, leaving the past in the past and leaving it with God, choosing to remember the good allows me to wholeheartedly say that that adventure between my awkward early young adult days to that airplane ride was so good!
I am thankful we made it home to Canada. I am thankful for the God of second chances. I am thankful for new friends, new memories, new adventures and that my best is yet to come!
It’s ok to allow yourself to feel pain so that healing can come. It’s ok to be sad, angry, confused, hurt, but once you’ve cried until it no longer stings, once you have dealt with it, forgiven, asked forgiveness or whatever else, let it go. Give it up to God and move forward. Choose to remember the good, choose to embrace the future and keep your eyes forward, ahead, not back.
Phil 3:13 “Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,”
This time last year I was removing the tags from “that airplane ride” so we could put on dream come true tags to Disney Land.