Asparagus Pee

Sometimes we just feel turmoil on the inside.  Our lives may be completely uncomplicated and normal or they may be a little cray cray.  But we have all felt that unsatisfied, something isn’t right, something needs to be fixed feeling.

Your life may be perfectly normal at the moment or your 8 year old may be hearing all kinds of inappropriate and inexcusable language at school and your parenting, smack the  other kids around, sensors are going off.  That kids may also suddenly be struggling in school.  Or you just might have a family with stinky asparagus pee.  You and your 6 year old you may have spent part of the day yesterday at the hospital popping some weird infected finger bubble thing.  You may be trying to schedule what feels like a thousand things into your schedule, reminding yourself not to take on the cares of the people around you, while trying to be budget smart so you can efficiently save so you can effectively face the future that comes your way (didn’t that sound smart).  You may be contemplating decisions that affect friends and finances.  You may be reminding yourself not to panic because you have to find a new home in exactly 12 months…preferably less.  You may be realizing you can only hide, run away and ignore impeding conversations with the one person on the planet you want to hide, run away from and ignore for so long before a conversations is demanded and you have to grow up and face the gross grown up world that you have been thrown into (exes and co-parenting isn’t forever stabs in the heart but it also isn’t always pretty) all the while managing the often uncensored emotions that automatically come from hosting said persons own father for a visit with his grand-babies.

Just because life got complicated with their father doesn’t mean everyone connected to him and the children have to suffer or suddenly become un-loved.  It certainly makes for a whirlwind of emotions and heart checks for this momma.  I am not going to lie.  After such a long time of total separation, all the things that I used to live with or got used to living with while being married, I realize I don’t really like or agree with become clear.  After being single for a while, when you no longer are giving 100% to a certain relationship,  you realize and see some of the things you never saw before.  You have a chance to look over the whole relationship and see what parts were good and what were bad.  Unfortunately it seems easier to look and think on the bad, even while still in the relationship, which explains why many spouses try to change each other because we view different ways as bad.

My point being all those negative things I decided I didn’t like about their father are magnified in his father making for a major heart check for me.      He is here to love on my babies.  He is here to build memories with them.  He is here because he loves us – US.  He is not their father.  I need to quit looking at the magnified negatives and find and then magnify the positives.

So.  Your life may be normal, your life may be cray cray.  Your ex-father in law (technically speaking, but we just call him Poppy and are so thankful for him) may be visiting.  Every once in a while we feel turmoil inside.  It’s not uncommon, you aren’t weird, but it’s not the feeling we were made to live with.  So I left it all at my bedroom door, lay on my bed which happens to look out the window perfectly at the beautiful sky.  And let the song that drifted into my head play…”Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me…”  Let a peace fill your heart, that even though there is serious craziness in your life right now, or just an ick on the inside, you can be filled with a calm because His peace is cool that way.

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