Seperation and divorce.
Those are now a part of my life. Something I never dreamed or planned to be part of my life. Marriage is something I fought for like a dragon fighting to keep it’s treasure. I gave it every once of energy. It is something I lost.
Marriage is a two person road.
Most days I am ok with it. I have accepted it. I truly enjoy this single season of my life. I dream and hope for the days when I will walk that two person road again, but for now I am ok with it.
Until that person demands my attention again. Until I see Facebook profiles of new girlfriends and fiancés. Pictures of a life that is no longer mine and every hurt and wound that was suppressed by bandages of avoidance and space gets ripped off. The wounds are torn open and the pain comes seething back. It is then that I realize that I still have a long journey of healing ahead.
And then I wonder how I got stuck struggling to heal and they have that Facebook profile smiling so happily? How am I struggling to find normalcy and they seem to be floating on a cloud in life?
Deep down I know it’s a facade. Just a profile picture, but non the less it re-opens the wounds.
The wounds have to be re-opened to heal properly. I just wish it didn’t have to be done. I wish all the hurt would wash away with a dip in the ocean and the proper stitching of the wound didn’t have to happen.
Today and this week brought on a whole lot more pain and emotions that I was not anticipating.
Divorce and separation sucks.
But God is bigger than divorce and separation. He is more faithful, more loyal, the great physician, healer of all wounds, worthy of all my trust and loves me more than anyone else in this entire world.
That same God, is yours too. If you are feeling pain, hurt, loneliness, He too is there for you. Seek His face, He is the only one that can truly heal the hurts. He doesn’t just cover them up, He heals completely and fully. When He heals physically He completely restores that body part, it’s the same with our hearts. He will completely restore me and He will completely restore you.
Listen to some Lauren Daigle “Loyal” with me and let His love wash some of the pain away.
Today I am thankful for music, for my father in law changing my breaks, for my friend that stopped over and another who tagged me in a post reminding me I’m not alone. For Ice caps and leftovers and the “coconuts” (pinecones) Turner found. The sun still shines and these wounds will heal, somedays are just more painful than others… nearly 3 years later and it’s ok.
Lil K caught two fish yesterday. One little thing and one “swordfish” by accident via the tail. Hilarious and exciting. I squeal more than the kids.